Unconditional love does not mean we have to a accept shitty behaviour.
From anyone.
Just because we don’t like the way someone is treating us, and we put a boundary up, doesn’t mean we stop loving.
Just because someone puts a boundary up and doesn’t like our behaviour and may even call it shitty behaviour… Doesn’t mean they don’t love us.
Love is not relationships.
Love is love.
Relationships are relationships.
For many years women have used the power of the pussy to manipulate men into succumbing to their wills.. And called it healthy. Joked about it. Praised it up. Sung songs about it. Laughed about it. I know. I’m one of these women.
How is it we have allowed ourselves to be sweet with this yet we condemn a man for thinking with his dick? For being pussy whipped? For throwing away his family for lust? For being.. Weak??
I believe we are here to balance the world, not throw men under the bus. And I believe taking responsibility starts with looking at where and how we get our power. Where and how we manipulate. And where we pretend we don’t.
Our true power lies within. Our true power is self love, boundaries, respect and knowing our worth.
Listen I’m not saying don’t fuck..that’s your choice. I am saying
It’s not a skill to have magic cooch. Every woman has one. Power comes from within
I’m perfect already.
You should believe every single thing I say… And you should judge me. And put me on pedestals. And then when I fall, shoot me down in flames .
You should laugh at things I say. You should feel discomfort in the words I write. And you most definitely should put labels on me.
But only if you can learn from it. Only if you are looking to improve yourself. If you can recognise what I trigger in you, and recognise that it is you that you need to address, control and change. Never me. Never anyone else. Because I, I am as perfect as I am going to ever be. Right in this moment.
I wanted to share with you what I’ve learnt about social media and expression.
I’ve been doing a social media clean up for the past couple of weeks. I was in anger. And sometimes I knew. And sometimes I did not.
And, I have expressed some of my beliefs and lessons through the emotion of anger instead of through my heart. Instead of through vulnerability.
Don’t get me wrong..I regret nothing. I accept myself you see. Not much you say bothers me, you’re judgement does not bother me. It teaches me.
Being in anger isn’t wrong. It isn’t something to be embarrassed about. In fact anger is a very common mode of protection used by most people, and especially the New Zealand maori. All our emotions are necessary. Even anger
The gift of anger is it highlights to us that our boundaries have been crossed and they need to be restored
I have learnt that as a masculine person, letting go of anger and allowing more of the feminine feels to come on in, was extremely uncomfortable. However, the choice was made. It was time. Time to let go of anger. Time be become vulnerable in my heart. Time to let go of another big layer of past hates and hurts.
Forgiveness doesn’t happen in one go. It takes many many layers to get to the core of the onion. And so it is with releasing anger. Exposing sadness. Heart hurts. Heart truths.
Sharing my journey is hugely important to me, and so is becoming a strong ethical coach that can sit in a space for another person to work through their layers without mixing in my personal beliefs. Its a dance between who I am naturally, and who I am professionally. This is what it is when you discover your life’s work and your lifestyle are very similar. It takes practice.
I cant bear to be like others. Because I simply am not like others. In fact, my personality type makes up only 2% of the population. The rarest of them all. I need to take action before things are perfect. I need to take action with less than professional videos and pictures. With my spelling mistakes. I can not conform. I can not just wait. I have valuable lessons that I must share. They are not just mine to hide them away. I cannot filter my life through other peoples approval or opinions
This is my process.
My value for being unconditional and beingme far out rank waiting for approval or perfection.
So I am going to make some fuck ups.
And I am going to make some OMG posts.
And I am going to make them out loud
But guess what..
I will still rise. I will still move upwards. I will still stay me. And I will always return back to my heart.
How do you know it’s working?
This empathetic conscious confident parenting thing?
Well here’s an example. Last Friday night I wanted to whip out for a couple of hours and leave Addison with a friend. No problem right. Shes 7.
Well when we arrived she got clingy. And then she told me she didn’t want to stay the night and wanted me to come back for her. At like 10pm. Bedtime is 8pm.
So first of all I did the impatient I want to go out, stop this, its silly, non conscious parenting reaction: “don’t be silly you can’t come and its far to late go to sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow!”
Then she shared her feelings through tears. “I feel like you’re kicking me out of the house” (Context behind this, she has a lot going on with not seeing her dad at the moment and him moving out of our family home etc)
Then conscience parenting reaction: “you feel like I’m kicking you out of the house?” (paraphrase), oh my darling they must be scary!’ (Validation)Tears stopped and in a small voice, “Yes mummy can’t you come back for me please?”
I empathized with her and made a conscious choice based on an informed snapshot of her life that yes, yes I can pick you up and drag your heavy arse home and carry you in the house with one arm trying not to drop you.
So how do we know its working?
Oh and in hindsight, she spent most that night whimpering in her dreams and she woke with a huge fever. Looks like it pays to listen.
Its working. Trust me. And if its not, reassess what you are doing. xo
I love love. What is love to you?
We have this on repeat today. Addison has come a long way, with no energy and all the sicks, she still smiles, uses her manners, asks for what she wants, expresses her frustration without the drama, says what she isn’t capable of and takes her medicine.
I’m learning from her. She’s showing me what surrender looks like.
She has:
I’m not even hating her being sick. Normally I would resent having to slow down. I’m enjoying being nurturing for her. Putting her first. I’m learning from my 7 year old how to face the struggles of life gracefully.
On a side note: Manifestation in the physical. Because remember this is mind, body and soul.
The body is the last place to manifest so by the time you get sick, this has been emotionally hurting us for some time.
This is a result of the emotional stress she has been enduring. Her whimpers in her sleep are heartbreaking. Kids suffer from family destruction so if your about to step out or step into something that could destroy your kids foundations – get some professional advice on how to least affect the children.
The Girl In The Mirror Coaching Series 