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Dear Diary – Here’s why I love you

Journalling. Visualising. Planning. Manifesting. Why do it?

We all hear people talk about journaling our thoughts. Writing after meditation or before we sleep. Having dream diaries. Writing letters that we never send.

Writing to someone as if there really was someone.

Let me share with you a couple of reasons why journaling is one of the first things I would invite you to do when you are experiencing resistance to transition into a different phase of life.

1 – A problem shared is a problem halved. Through expressing all our issues unfiltered, uncensored and without judgement onto piece of paper we feel heard. We have allowed ourselves freedom of truth. And there is no risk of consequence, judgement or reaction. We can now see the mess for what it is.

2 – Once we have allowed the predominant emotion to be expressed, we have allowed room for the more gentle emotions to be expressed. In here is where we start to hear what it is we are really looking for. What it is we are really wanting.

3 – Moving something from your mind, through our hands is one way to get into your heart. Now that we have an idea of what we are looking for we get to begin to answer questions. Such as, what sort of career would make me happy? What sort of characteristics do I desire in a partner? You see, once we have allowed expression of our thoughts we activate our logical brains.

4 – Planning. Now that we have an idea of what it is we desire in life, we can begin to make small habits that move us closer to living that sort of life. Drink an extra glass of water a day. Do 5 minutes of yoga 5 days a week. Buy natural shampoo. We now have the capacity and the calm about us to make the plans.

5 – Continual journaling will continue to remove the gunk and keep us coming back into our hearts. This is what allows us to continue to DO. Which, is manifestation.

Give it a try. Try it for 7 days. Block out 5 minutes a day to begin with. Then slowly find the time to go on a rampage if you have alot of unheard thoughts. Ideally, you will team this up with meditation of some kind in time.

Namaste.

Unconditional Love and Shitty Behaviour

Unconditional love does not mean we have to a accept shitty behaviour.

From anyone.


Just because we don’t like the way someone is treating us, and we put a boundary up, doesn’t mean we stop loving.

Just because someone puts a boundary up and doesn’t like our behaviour and may even call it shitty behaviour… Doesn’t mean they don’t love us.

Love is not relationships.

Love is love.

Relationships are relationships.

 

 

10 Tips To Get Out Of Relationship Limbo

Foreword: For the purpose of this article I will define limbo as being a period of more than 2 weeks in a relationship where you live together, 3 weeks where you do not, and 4 weeks for a long distance relationship.

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Limbo. Relationship limbo. When you are waiting on the other party to decide if there is a relationship or not. Where you are trying to be patient during a time when you are the most impatient you have ever been.  Nothing feels stable in limbo, because, nothing actually is.

In limbo you may have many mistrusts arise. You may have violence, abuse and major disrespect. Or you may simply have hot and cold emotions. Alot of tears, alot of desperation, promises and desire. Break downs, late night messages and the words ‘we are done’ said over and over.

The sex may improve or it may die off. Our bodies are dying to be savaged and screaming to be held and carressed in love. Our energy is low and our thoughts are of failure and unworthiness. Every night spent together, you wonder, ‘is this the last time?’. One minute you are thinking you could never be with another and the next you are fantasising about the person who gave you a sideways glance at the supermarket the other day.

Either way, in relationship limbo we are sitting in holding cell that feels like a prison and screaming for someone or something to let us out. Tell us what to do, where to aim and how to fix this. We make promises to do better and we take on all the blame. I love you. I cant ever love another. Give us what we want. And give it to us now.

The rollercoaster that comes with limbo is excruciating. The sick feelings, the highs, the lows. The made up thoughts. The derailing. The waiting in line. One minute everything seems fine, just like normal. The next, your sobbing in your bed feeling like your chest is about to explode. Your crying weak at the bottom of the shower while your eyes feel like razor blades. Your yelling at the kids. Your wide awake at 3am. Your dry retching at 6am in the morning.

Yes. That feeling. In hindsight, it is a jail cell we put ourselves in because we don’t believe that life can be better without them. We believe we love them and it is meant to be. This is just a pot hole. We believe it is worth waiting for, fighting for. We do not have the self worth, self love or respect we need to pull ourselves up. Our cup is empty.

I kept myself in relationship limbo for around 18 months. The agony. The pain. The heartache.

Lets cover a few of the action steps that are needed to pull yourself up and out. Onwards. Upward.

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Tip number:

  1. You need to know that this feeling will pass. You will get through this. And the sun will rise again. Hope and faith are the most important thing right now. The bridge, it is not an option. Ask for what you need, from God, the air, the ground, another person,  I don’t care. But ask for what you need.
  2. Time does not heal you. YOU do. Invest in books to feed your mind. How fast and  happier you get will be dependent on the way you use your time and energy.
  3. Get your support team together. Support teams consist of a mind, body and soul specialists.
  4. Start opening up to friends. The friends who care act as good sounding boards. The ones who will listen to you cry, and who will bring you a little black dress and red lipstick. The friends who will put your rubbish out and take your kid to school. The friends who will rant with you when you need it but also sleep on the empty pillow beside you. Be vulnerable.
  5. If you are not in a committed relationship, do not live together and do not have sex. Someone who is worth it will commit to you and have no trouble working out what he wants. Ladies, keep your legs closed and men, keep it in your pants. 
  6. There is no such thing as “I need time”, “Im confused”. Translate those into, ‘Just do you!” A person in love does not need more than a couple of weeks to figure themselves out. Cut the contact for a couple of weeks. Do not be available for someone who is not available. Even if you have kids, 2 weeks is nothing compared to living in limbo for endless weeks.
  7. Get the custody sorted from the outset and have it made legal whilst you are both still amicable. If things change, it is very difficult to know what is your heart and what is your pain. And children do not deserve this confusion.
  8. Stop doing the people and the things you do not love so that you can make way for the things you do  like and love. Purge. Remove from your life all of the things you detest and do only out of obligation. Start saying NO.
  9. Journal your thoughts. Notice what recurring thoughts you have and ask yourself what reward you get from these thoughts. Pay attention to your inner mean voice so you can start to retrain those thoughts with your coach.
  10. Sing love songs to yourself. Do the mirror work. Write down the things you love about yourself. Its time you started to like yourself so you can fall in love with yourself.

 

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Definition of limbo: Stuck in limbo is to be unable to move from one position to another. Limbo is originally a theological term (Catholic) that was the holding place between heaven and hell where the soul resided until judgment. … The phrase “stuck in the limbo“means you or someone else is not progressing for some reason or another.

 

Fuck You To The Man Letters

The letters. You know the ones you write but never give to a person.

That’s what I’m talking about. Writing a letter to someone to tell them of all the ways in which they have angered you. The reason why, well, fuck them!

@iam_davecaboz

The letters. You know the ones you write but never give to a person.

That’s what I’m talking about. Writing a letter to someone to tell them of all the ways in which they have angered you. The reason why, well, fuck them!

So how do we move through anger? Hatred? Resentment? We say we are ready to let it go yet our bodies say bullshit and our hands tighten around that rope. We stand at the edge of that bridge and we say ‘Dare me not to jump”. We use the anger to give us power, strength, boundaries. We use it to say, ‘The fuck away from me. Not today arsehole”. We drink and have casual sex treating other people like sacks of meat. We snort drugs to lose our inhibitions. We eat to excess and put our bodies into sugar overload. We use anger to pretend we have it under control.

So what about when we are done with it. When we realise its barricaded us from speaking through love. That we can not be love whilst we are being with anger. Anger is devoid of love. Hatred is devoid of love.

What about when you have chosen to step forward out of the masculinity of anger and inter the femininity of sadness.

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We are ready to write that letter. Bye bye anger, hello sadness.

Well. Let me clarify a couple of things first.

  • 1- You will not get to release it all in one go. Sorry. It will take a few goes. And each time gets easier and quicker.
  • 2- It wont look the way you think it should look. Its not pink guys and there are no fuckn unicorns
  • 3- No one will praise you for it
  • 4- It is going to hurt. How much, and how long is up to how much you surrender
  • 5- You will try to distract, run and hide from the feminine sadness when she shows up.

Express what you like how you like, as gangster or pussy as you like. All your feels . Express them.  No one else should bear witness to this. For a few reasons. Energy released is for the universe to transmute it into love. It is not to be weighed on another empaths shoulders. It is not to be spoken of over and over and swam in. It is to be taken from your mind, through your hands and out of your body. Poof.

Please do not use sex, alcohol, food or anything else after this to make yourself feel better. If you are sharing your energy with anyone else directly after this, that is to make yourself feel better. On top of that, that love was for you to give into yourself. Learn to love yourself first.

Youre letter can be to one person or to multiple people. This is not a letter where you write the things they did well, or justify the things they did. This is a purely fuck you letter. This is to pour out the feelings and thoughts you have that align with anger and hate. Vomit it onto that paper. This is not the time to pretend you don’t have these thoughts.

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So here’s the rules

  1. There are no rules, the universe is in charge here
  2. Do not control anything. It is about surrender and release
  3. Your eyes only
  4. You make like to pray, or set an intention. “God, please allow me full expression and to guide me to the way that best serves me to release anything that is holding me in a low vibration. Please take the negativity and transmute it into love”
  5. Be alone for at least 2 hours, ideally the night.
  6. Put your phone away
  7. Do not fuse with the story. If you get mad, shake it off, step back, drink some water and go again
  8. Start how you like, but ideally use the most common fuck you phrase in your head. eg: I hate you. I despise you. You make my skin crawl.
  9. Keep it moving, we are expressing thoughts and emotions not the story.
  10. Keep it going until you break down in a soft cry that is coming from the softness of your heart
  11. Allow all the feels to come up to the surface in your body, and then allow them to come out through your hands, your eyes, your breath
  12. Whilst in the soft feminine sadness, acknowledge her. Notice that its been some time since you felt her and know that she is a step higher in the vibration ladder to fulfillment. She is your nurture. She came to emotionally hug you and tell you that she will never leave you.
  13. LET HER IN. Sit with her. Let the hot tears come out of your heart.
  14. Ask your higher beliefs to transmute all the negative energy into love

Once you have allowed the feelings to come up and been acknowledged, you can then proceed in the way you usually would. Be it journaling, meditation, swimming, a shower, exercise. Burning sage and palo santo. Dancing or simply sleeping.

Be prepared to feel a little more vulnerable as you have removed some of the barricades around your heart centre. Stay in your heart. She will protect you, if you only listen.

Much love, and for those who do this work, I admire you. xox

 

Power Of The Pussy

For many years women have used the power of the pussy to manipulate men into succumbing to their wills.. And called it healthy. Joked about it. Praised it up. Sung songs about it. Laughed about it. I know. I’m one of these women.

How is it we have allowed ourselves to be sweet with this yet we condemn a man for thinking with his dick? For being pussy whipped? For throwing away his family for lust? For being.. Weak??

I believe we are here to balance the world, not throw men under the bus. And I believe taking responsibility starts with looking at where and how we get our power. Where and how we manipulate. And where we pretend we don’t.

Our true power lies within. Our true power is self love, boundaries, respect and knowing our worth.

Listen I’m not saying don’t fuck..that’s your choice. I am saying

  1. Take your power back.
  2. Power lies in the heart not the vag.
  3. Look at how you use sex in your history.
  4. Figure out what you have made sex to mean

 

It’s not a skill to have magic cooch. Every woman has one. Power comes from within

 

Permission To Learn

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’m perfect already.

You should believe every single thing I say… And you should judge me. And put me on pedestals. And then when I fall, shoot me down in flames .

You should laugh at things I say. You should feel discomfort in the words I write. And you most definitely should put labels on me.

But only if you can learn from it. Only if you are looking to improve yourself. If you can recognise what I trigger in you, and recognise that it is you that you need to address, control and change. Never me. Never anyone else. Because I, I am as perfect as I am going to ever be. Right in this moment.

I wanted to share with you what I’ve learnt about social media and expression.

I’ve been doing a social media clean up for the past couple of weeks. I was in anger. And sometimes I knew. And sometimes I did not.

And, I have expressed some of my beliefs and lessons through the emotion of anger instead of through my heart. Instead of through vulnerability.

Don’t get me wrong..I regret nothing. I accept myself you see. Not much you say bothers me, you’re judgement does not bother me. It teaches me.

Being in anger isn’t wrong. It isn’t something to be embarrassed about. In fact anger is a very common mode of protection used by most people, and especially the New Zealand maori. All our emotions are necessary. Even anger

The gift of anger is it highlights to us that our boundaries have been crossed and they need to be restored

I have learnt that as a masculine person, letting go of anger and allowing more of the feminine feels to come on in, was extremely uncomfortable. However, the choice was made. It was time. Time to let go of anger. Time be become vulnerable in my heart. Time to let go of another big layer of past hates and hurts.

Forgiveness doesn’t happen in one go. It takes many many layers to get to the core of the onion. And so it is with releasing anger. Exposing sadness. Heart hurts. Heart truths.

Sharing my journey is hugely important to me, and so is becoming a strong ethical coach that can sit in a space for another person to work through their layers without mixing in my personal beliefs. Its a dance between who I am naturally, and who I am professionally. This is what it is when you discover your life’s work and your lifestyle are very similar. It takes practice.

I cant bear to be like others. Because I simply am not like others. In fact, my personality type makes up only 2% of the population. The rarest of them all. I need to take action before things are perfect. I need to take action with less than professional videos and pictures. With my spelling mistakes. I can not conform. I can not just wait. I have valuable lessons that I must share. They are not just mine to hide them away. I cannot filter my life through other peoples approval or opinions

This is my process.

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My value for being unconditional and beingme far out rank waiting for approval or perfection.

So I am going to make some fuck ups.
And I am going to make some OMG posts.
And I am going to make them out loud
But guess what..
I will still rise. I will still move upwards. I will still stay me. And I will always return back to my heart.

  • Don’t wait for perfection
  • Please don’t. Just check in
  • Get going
  • Readjust
  • Clean up when necessary
  • Do the work. Do the fucking work!!!
  • And learn from your emotions, please

 

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