How many of you feel pressured by society to be a perfect parent? How many of you feel like you are being judged on the daily by ‘better’ parents? And how many of you, be honest here, judge other parents on the daily?
So how may of you would like to learn a few tips of how to be the perfect parent in today’s day and age?
Great. If you’re still reading, you must have said yes to the last question!
My name is April and I’m just a girl, a mum, being me in this world. What I want to share with you today is some tools and tips to guide you towards being the mum that you want to be an d learning to fuck opinions. As you implement these and your child’s behavior changes you will naturally start to feel more confident.
Am I a perfect parent? No. Do I swear? Do I yell sometimes and not listen. Yes. Do I sometimes sleep in and buy an artificial lunch on the way to school? Yes. Shit I even sometime still feed my kid on noodles for dinner. Am I late to assembly’s? Do I spend too much time on my phone? Do I get frustrated and wish there was an off switch on her voice box? Yes. Yes to it all. I am not a perfect parent.
So what. Shoot me.
You know who I am perfect to? Perfect for? My kid. That little girl who smiles at me in the morning and says ‘good morning mummy’. The kid who strokes my hair while I’m asleep. The kid who still wants to hold my hand down the street at just under 7 years of age. The kid who will run to hug me and tell me everything will be fine during my long tortuous separation with her father. The girl who taught me that I should be speaking to myself, the way I speak to her. With love.
Yeah, that’s who I’m perfect to. And guess what, that’s good enough for me. And you know how I know that I’m doing a perfect job with her? Well, I quite simply listen.
Me: OMG look at me I’m so fat I look so gross
Addison: Mummy!! You do not look fat and you are not fat.
Me: Do you really mean that?
Addison: Mama, its what’s inside (points to her heart), not what’s on the outside, that matters. (Smiles at me and has doe like eyes).
Fuck yeah I won the parenting jackpot. How lucky am I to get a kid like this?
No. False. Luck has nothing to do with it. It took 4 years to get pregnant. Lots of trials and tribulations but one thing I have down pact. I feel my kid. I connect with her on a soul level. I know when she’s hurting. I know when she needs me. And I know when she’s ungrounded.
So lets talk about what that looks like. Some tips you say? Hmmm, ok, from one perfect parent to another. Let’s shoot
1: This child was created from your flesh and blood.
Nobody else has a fukn clue about what’s inside them as well as you do. Mothers instinct. It is a real thing and it was a gift from god. Your instruction manual. Use it. Close down your eyes, focus on your breathing and if it don’t feel right, it aint. It just fucking aint.
2. Your voice will become your child’s inner voice.
Get down onto their level and look them straight in the eye. Feel straight from your heart (trick is to not cry), and tell them how they make your heart feel. How the way they jumped in the puddle today although you yelled at the time, makes you proud of them because you secretly admire their freedom and lack of inhibitions. How when they shared the toy with the screaming baby at the mall, made you want to cry because you love how generous and kind they are. Tell them good things every single day without fail.
3. Bath time, book time, bed time.
Yup. This makes a huge difference. Its sometimes the only time we put our phones away and listen to our children so if you haven’t don it much start earlier, they will start talking to you about their little lives. Let them choose the books they like. And no correcting if they are reading. Its about connection not education. Read to them books that express to them how much you adore them. Books that teach them morals and values. And books that are plain fun, like the Gruffalo.
4. Empathetic parenting
Children aren’t the way they used to be. Their feelings matter now. More than ever. When they are behaving in a way that is not acceptable to yourself, first acknowledge how they feel. And then set the boundary. Children demand to be seen, heard and understood. This does not mean you allow them to be spoilt brats. It just means you have allowed them to have a feeling, and the steered them to the direction that you wish them to take.
5. Apologise
Apologise to them. You fuck up. All the time I’m sure of it. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be a human. Say sorry. Not when you’re an emotional mess, but when you are in the right frame. Quietly. Look them in the eye on the ground level we spoke of, and say I’m sorry for…..”. Teach them by showing them what a sincere apology looks like.
6. Let it go. Stop focusing on what you did wrong and focus on doing better. Focus on what you did right. Focus on loving yourself more today than you did yesterday. Once we learn to love ourselves, our little monkeys will learn to love themselves even more. This is the essence of life. Self love.
7. Is there any reason why?
Ask this question when your pissed off they once again messed up your meditation room when they know dam well they shouldn’t. The answer might suprise you. I’m only 6 mama and sometimes I get so excited to play with my friends that I forget it’s a quiet only room.
8. Let them fall asleep with you sometimes.
This ones simple. You know how you feel when your man is away? And its lonely in the bed? Well come on now, kids love falling asleep with the one they love too. Let them sometimes
9. Remember their age.
This world is so fast paced that we tend to think our children are older than they are. They aren’t. Their emotional intelligence is still being fostered. Acknowledge this and step back. In a world full of adults, we need our kids to be kids.
10. Laugh.
Be a dick with them. Dance and sing like its karaoke. Show them the big kid inside of you. Let your barriers down with them. Paint your face like batman. If your kid doesn’t tell you ‘your funny mama’, then you my dear have let life become far too serious. Take off the masks.
Even just implementing one tip into your relationship with your child, will make a difference.
Now go. Go be a perfect parent.
Much loves xox
The Girl In The Mirror Coaching Series 